'EARLY terrible twos' exists after all

I got my usual weekly email from babycenter this morning.
It's week 2 of Soph's 20-month mark.

This sentence caught my eye immediately:
"When the "terrible twos" arrive early, and the value of pretend play."

It hit so close to home, I was smiling the whole time, and was reassured that it's gonna be okay. The image of Soph as a well-behaved young girl in the future is more vivid now ;)

"You've been warned about the "terrible twos," but you may be unprepared for this rite of passage if your child has been cooperative up until now. The stage doesn't always begin exactly on your child's second birthday. Development experts say it can strike as early as 18 months and as late as 30 months (though some angelic children never go through this phase). How do you know if you're in the midst of the TTs? Look for new signs of assertiveness from your toddler. Hallmark behaviors to watch for: He may insist on doing exactly what you've told him not to do or throw himself down on the floor in a fit of temper (she just did this yesterday, she threw herself backwards and expected me to catch her. thank God I managed to grab her enough to reduce the force of her hitting her head on the carpeted floor and thank God it was carpeted. though she still hit the floor to my dismay. alhamdulillah, it could've been worse. hopefully she knows not to do it next time. Although I anticipated her throwing her head back, I actually didn't really think she would do it as I wasn't holding her but was prepared anyway. she has done that a couple of times while in my arms before) if he doesn't get his way. His demands may alternately frustrate and amuse you. At times, for example, he'll likely ask for something that he doesn't even want, (this one gets me a bit worked up sometimes coz it's tiring enough trying to find out what she wants so I can give it to her. when it doesn't seem as though she has made up her mind on what she wants exactly and we're going back and forth on the same items, with each of my 'offer' getting a shrill exclamation of rejection. I guess it bothers me that in the end she is still upset despite my efforts to satisfy her wants if they're reasonable. That, and the fact that she is in fact capable of telling us what she wants but refuses to do so. Not to mention my fear of possibly spoiling her with my "OK2, Soph nak yang mana ni?"x10. Well, I think it's quite safe since I try to get to the bottom of what she wants before a meltdown can begin and the louder she screams, the less likely I am to give it to her when I finally know what it is she wants) just to see if he has enough power to get it."

(source: as usual, babycenter)

I am not complaining about Soph's tantrums by sharing the above challenges I am faced with a lot, of late.
I believe I just haven't found the best way to handle my Soph's outburst when she's overwhelmed with frustration.
I am after all supposed to customise my parenting ways to fit my child, I've read, which makes sense.
I think I am getting closer though as I learn more about her personality each day,
and as I observe the reaction I get from experimenting with different approaches to handling her meltdowns.

Babycenter's suggestions of what you can do when your child has a tantrum works as I've tried them myself:

"the best thing to do during a temper episode is keep your cool, stay close to your child (to increase your chances of successfully catching his or her 'fall'. very important if your child has a tendency to throw himself on the floor like mine when upset), and let him release his feelings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on may be all that some toddlers need to feel better, while others may benefit from the distraction technique (this one works for us sometimes but more often than not it will make Soph cry even harder coz she'd know if we're trying to distract her) — offer him another activity or toy."

"If you're in a public place or at someone's house, pick up your child and take him someplace where the two of you can sit calmly until the feelings subside."
(Before going to a public place, I usually try to envision/research escape routes and locations with wide open spaces should she have an outburst. To be safe I'd have to assume it would happen although that's not always the case. Soph can be a darling too :D)

Some of her tantrums start when she refuses to do stuff I want her to do, and which absolutely has to be done like washing her after she has soiled her diapers, washing her hair, putting clothes on, brushing her hair and several more :P

I was grateful to also find this in my email today
"My toddler refuses to get dressed in the morning. What should I do? "
Amazing huh? how babycenter sends me the most relevant updates ;D
Only it doesn't matter if it's in the morning or at night, she can refuse to get dressed whenever.
So much so that half the time, on occassions where she willingly gets dressed, you have no idea how light I feel. hehe

"Take heart: This is such a common parent-child struggle that I'd say 90 percent of toddlers do this. If you think about it, dressing is a good arena in which to assert one's independence, something your child is learning to do right now. And when a toddler knows his mom or dad wants him to do something urgently, that's exactly when he's going to resist doing that very thing."

"Instead of letting him see that his behavior is ruffling your feathers, stay calm."

Babycenter strategies:
1. Offer no more than 2 choices (haven't tried this one. since at the mo, it's not about which she wants, it's about her NOT wanting it at all)
2. Address and distract "I know you don't want to take off your pajamas — they're so comfy," you might say. "Here, can you please hold your toy car while I help you get into your underwear?" (haven't really tried addressing coz it's hard to shout over her "No"s. Distracting I've been doing a lot though. I've tried getting her to sing with me while I do the things she is likely to put up a fight over)
3. Toddlers also don't respond well to being hurried, so if it's at all possible, try not to make mornings a big rush. (have to make a point to do this because I'm always sweating and in a harried rush, chasing her around the house to put on her diapers, and outfit for the day. this is usually because I want to delay facing her tantrums so I put off getting her ready till I absolutely have to. heheh)
4. It also doesn't hurt to let your toddler be in charge of what he wears sometimes. (not very applicable to me yet. but it's coming soon. a few days ago she's started insisting on wearing her Barney Space Adventures t-shirt 2 days in a row, after a week of "get it off me!" reaction when I try to put on the said t-shirt.

Final words,
Good Luck fellow moms! :D