I miss..
May 16, 2013
May 14, 2013
I miss u..
Soph was playing a wedding game on the ipad, choosing what the groom should wear..
Soph: *chooses a black suit and giggles* like Abah at Mama's wedding kan? *grins*
Me: u're right :)
Soph: where did u go tadi?
Me: I went to work sayang.
Soph: but i want to follow u..
Me: u cannot follow me to work sayang..
Soph: y.. but i want.. *frowns*
Me: because only big people go to work..
Soph: *stands up* see.. look at my size. I'm tall..
Me: yes u r tall.. *grins* but work is for mothers and fathers. children go to school
Soph: *pouts n looks down* but i miss u.. (in a whisper)
Me: u miss me?
Soph: yea.. i miss u.. i want to play with u..
Me: aww.. i miss u too baby.. *pulls her close* i'm here now kan. Come play with me k..
She's growing up.. so fast..
May 10, 2013
Of choreography and flattery
Hey, I just noticed that I haven't blogged about my Zumba Instructor Training!
I'm now a licensed Zumba Instructor! :D
Now my aim is to be a fully qualified one, where I can inspire people to ditch the workout and start dancing themselves fit ;)
Have been choreographing a lot in my head lately.The few times I get to choreograph and test out moves to the music, Soph would sometimes join in.And that would distract me.. coz I'd be mesmerized by how well she can move.
2 nights ago, the Zumba music on my ipod speaker was playing an upbeat song.
I stopped just to watch her, and she went on dancing, her own moves, which aren't just random movements..
There was a pattern, and the amazing thing is that her choice of moves match the rhythm of the song. I believe that's the meaning of good choreography.
And you could see that she was feeling the music.
I loved that moment. I muttered to hubby "she's soo my daughter kan? (the part where we love to move to the sound of music) only she's 10x better than I am. such a natural".
I felt such a deep connection with her and that visual that I stopped myself from running for the camera
1. because there is an 80% chance she would stop once I pick up the camera or soon after I pick it up
2. and once in a while, I want to (and should) enjoy the moment as it happens rather than being to caught up with capturing those moments for future recollection.
But that's not to say I don't hope to be able to capture her dance choreo some time in the future ;P
Yesterday, when we were playing camping in her playhouse, pretending it was a tent and that we were huddled around a campfire (yea she keeps me young like that ;P),
Me: Sophia.. *waited for her to look at me*
Soph: *looks at me expectantly*
Me: Yesterday, when you were dancing to Zumba music..
Soph: Huh?
Me: When you were dancing.. Remember? when Mama put the music on loud using the speaker? And then Mama danced?
Soph: Ooh.. yeaa *big smile*
Me: Yea. Mama danced and then you danced too right? I saw you.. I loved your moves Sophie.. I think you dance really well sayang, with all your own moves.. you were so good! *proud grin*
Soph: *big eyes, wide grin* oh! thank you Mama! thank you very much! *bigger smile*
I was really sincere about my compliment to her.. I didn't have to say it, but wanted to make sure she knows I truly believe she has the natural talent to dance. Because I notice that when we gush at her when she does something well, she hesitates, and gets a bit shy... which is good so she's not overconfident, but sometimes she would cower, or get overwhelmed and throw a temper especially when some others laugh. a playful laugh yes but it shakes her confidence nonetheless. I can tell. I don't quite like that. So I want to balance it out and reassure her that she's good enough. something I personally believe we adults hardly do to encourage one another.
And i'm not planning on encouraging her only in dancing. I hope to be able to be a supportive and reassuring parent in whatever positive things she loves and is good at.
I love how she responds to my encouragements too.So warm. And like a big girl, a polite one at that. Alhamdulillah
When I was away for a week for work, I called home and the first thing she said after "Hello" was a sweet and whole-hearted "I love you Mama". That choked me, I could only reply "I love you too Sophia" after swallowing my tears.
I. love. this girl.
And I am very, very proud of her :)
May 3, 2013
Freedom In Motherhood
Why There Is Freedom In Motherhood - A Day In Motherhood
"I have heard it and said it. ‘Mother’s get no time to themselves.” and “A mother’s work is never done.” And yes, it is fact.
I, personally, feel like I am ‘On-Duty” from 6am most mornings to 12pm at night. And sometimes overnight as well. Now, my children are not up those long hours. They sleep until 7am and sometimes will actually be asleep by 9pm. But I am up. And I am not sitting on the couch watching the coolest show on TV.
I am folding laundry, picking up toys, paying bills, working and even laying out my children’s clothes for the next day and prepping their lunches.
So, though the children are not up and asking for something 15 times in a row, I am still mothering and not getting time for myself.
But despite the frustrated posts on Facebook, the funny jokes I come across and agree with – many having to do with the fact that none of us ever get to pee alone – there is freedom in motherhood. You just have to really pay attention to see it.
To me, anyway, freedom in motherhood comes from being able to help a child move from one stage of life to another.
I remember the infant days. And I loved them but often wonder if I could do them again. I remember having these sweet babies attached to me most of the day. Either nursing or snuggling or being carried here and everywhere. And though I LOVED it – oh how I loved it – I recall wishing they would walk faster so that I could just put them down.
The day that they could hold their heads up gave me the freedom to trust other people to hold them – you moms know what I mean on that one – and watching their little bodies roll over for the first time marked the freedom from helping them do just that. Sitting up was freedom from sitting on the floor holding them so they did not faceplant.
Crawling was freedom from carrying them all day and walking, well – at first walking is so not freedom – but, eventually, it was. And as sad as it was to see them growing up so fast, is was a mark of motherhood freedom to not have to hover over them. I could let them walk and play and explore and enjoy the phase of discovery.
As my children have grown, so have my freedoms. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have them in my sites every moment that they are with me. And I am an attentive – most of the time - loving mom all day and all night with very little time to just sit. I even still have an issue taking a shower with them up lest something happens while I am belting out ’Gangham Style’ in my perfect shower voice. But as they have learned to fend a little more for themselves, my freedom from the responsibilities of teaching them those skills has gone away too.
I shed tears when my last little one learned to walk and I cheered heartily when my middle daughter learned to swing on her own.
I cried when my oldest graduated from preschool and I rejoiced when she took the training wheels off of her bike.
I was also relieved when my middle daughter stopped twisting her hair into knots and when my oldest one stopped eating her toe nails. Those annoying phases and habits could not end fast enough!
Every step they make toward the dreaded day when they leave my home is a mix of sadness and regret that I did not savor it more and a beam of pride that I got them to that point. I can’t wait to see what they are like as teenagers and grown women but I also want to squish them back to the earlier days when playing with mommy was better than any friend they had.
One day, I will wake up and have real freedom. My house will be empty of all but precious memories. Photos of their childhood decorating every spare space on my walls, monogrammed baby blankets still hanging on the end of their beds, reminders of when they were small enough to fit in them.
My lone feet will replace the pitter patter engrained in my memory and I will wish daily for “Mommy” to be screamed at me 20 times in a row.
But until then, I will continue to be mom 24/7, happily complaining that everything I do in my life is for my children. Anxiously, I will watch for the next achievement, the next phase and the next sign of growth.
And I will drink it all in as if their accomplishments are mine. Freely loving that I have this time and that it is precious.
For me, at least, That is the only kind of freedom I need."
"I have heard it and said it. ‘Mother’s get no time to themselves.” and “A mother’s work is never done.” And yes, it is fact.
I, personally, feel like I am ‘On-Duty” from 6am most mornings to 12pm at night. And sometimes overnight as well. Now, my children are not up those long hours. They sleep until 7am and sometimes will actually be asleep by 9pm. But I am up. And I am not sitting on the couch watching the coolest show on TV.
I am folding laundry, picking up toys, paying bills, working and even laying out my children’s clothes for the next day and prepping their lunches.
So, though the children are not up and asking for something 15 times in a row, I am still mothering and not getting time for myself.
But despite the frustrated posts on Facebook, the funny jokes I come across and agree with – many having to do with the fact that none of us ever get to pee alone – there is freedom in motherhood. You just have to really pay attention to see it.
To me, anyway, freedom in motherhood comes from being able to help a child move from one stage of life to another.
I remember the infant days. And I loved them but often wonder if I could do them again. I remember having these sweet babies attached to me most of the day. Either nursing or snuggling or being carried here and everywhere. And though I LOVED it – oh how I loved it – I recall wishing they would walk faster so that I could just put them down.
The day that they could hold their heads up gave me the freedom to trust other people to hold them – you moms know what I mean on that one – and watching their little bodies roll over for the first time marked the freedom from helping them do just that. Sitting up was freedom from sitting on the floor holding them so they did not faceplant.
Crawling was freedom from carrying them all day and walking, well – at first walking is so not freedom – but, eventually, it was. And as sad as it was to see them growing up so fast, is was a mark of motherhood freedom to not have to hover over them. I could let them walk and play and explore and enjoy the phase of discovery.
As my children have grown, so have my freedoms. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have them in my sites every moment that they are with me. And I am an attentive – most of the time - loving mom all day and all night with very little time to just sit. I even still have an issue taking a shower with them up lest something happens while I am belting out ’Gangham Style’ in my perfect shower voice. But as they have learned to fend a little more for themselves, my freedom from the responsibilities of teaching them those skills has gone away too.
I shed tears when my last little one learned to walk and I cheered heartily when my middle daughter learned to swing on her own.
I cried when my oldest graduated from preschool and I rejoiced when she took the training wheels off of her bike.
I was also relieved when my middle daughter stopped twisting her hair into knots and when my oldest one stopped eating her toe nails. Those annoying phases and habits could not end fast enough!
Every step they make toward the dreaded day when they leave my home is a mix of sadness and regret that I did not savor it more and a beam of pride that I got them to that point. I can’t wait to see what they are like as teenagers and grown women but I also want to squish them back to the earlier days when playing with mommy was better than any friend they had.
One day, I will wake up and have real freedom. My house will be empty of all but precious memories. Photos of their childhood decorating every spare space on my walls, monogrammed baby blankets still hanging on the end of their beds, reminders of when they were small enough to fit in them.
My lone feet will replace the pitter patter engrained in my memory and I will wish daily for “Mommy” to be screamed at me 20 times in a row.
But until then, I will continue to be mom 24/7, happily complaining that everything I do in my life is for my children. Anxiously, I will watch for the next achievement, the next phase and the next sign of growth.
And I will drink it all in as if their accomplishments are mine. Freely loving that I have this time and that it is precious.
For me, at least, That is the only kind of freedom I need."
May 2, 2013
Stop and Stare
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
- OneRepublic
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